When I refer to dreams, I am also referring to goals, ambitions, or desires, all of which are a fool’s paradise.

I say this because you and the rest of the world are full of people who are chasing the apparition of success and happiness by believing there is something better than this. Bullshitting oneself is when you disregard all logic, common sense, and just believe in the blind stupidity of something because you yourself feel that way. It is different from lying because when you lie to yourself, you at least know enough about the truth to stay away from it. When you bullshit yourself, your thoughts take you to a place or a moment you want to be in, something you want to experience, the desire to live your life according to what you think may be best for you. It is no different than fantasizing about things that are fiction, things that are devoid of reality.

To attain one’s idea of what they hope to accomplish is something only a hand few are lucky enough to experience.

It truly is a luxury to have the opportunity to drop everything and pursue your dreams, it is not something that everyone can just decide to pursue by choice. Reaching the idea of your dream means you succeeded in what you wanted to do or overcome, attaining your dream is having just that, or a better experience or moment that you had envisioned it would be like, and that never happens. That is why you cannot achieve your dreams, because they are not attainable, that feeling you want in the hopes of living your dream is not what it seems to be. You may be successful in your pursuits, but you will not be living your dream, and if you reached what you said you were going after, your life’s dream, then there really is nothing left for you to do other than to carry on with this false success. I say false because it won’t quite be how it was supposed to happen, or the journey it took to get there. While that may be life, a ton of curveballs being thrown your way, our expectations gives us a much distorted, cozy, little picture of how it would be like. Let’s say you think you’re somehow an exception, even if you think you are special or lucky enough to go after what you want to be yours, in a world full of dreamers and millions who share the same like-minded goals as you do, there can only be one winner, or only a handful who can stand among those who made it. To stand tall and keep moving forward is a trap door, you’ll end up being bested by others who have never gone through the same sacrifice and pain you’ve gone through, and this will only hurt and defeat you.

If you keep falling, there are only going to be so many times you get back up.

Once you get psyched out, when your feelings, heart, and mind start to hurt you, when you fall too far to get back up, you will forever be that guy who tried and failed, the spectacle people will point at and laugh when they say something can’t be done. You go after that something to succeed. You don’t learn from your failures if you welcome it with open arms. Character derived from failure happens when you go all out to win and still get back up after you fail. Not when you expect or look forward to fail. If you expect to lose, you learn nothing from it because it is self-imposed. You don’t incur any disappointment, any shame or regret, and a big part of yourself should feel at a loss, things you should feel. You must be wondering why I am saying this… It is not to motivate you, I’m mentioning this because there is a difference between failing, and a failure. You want to be something or somebody, but instead you are the first person to leave, yet the last person to try something. Unfortunately for you it’s too late to make changes in your life, you can’t undo what you’ve already done, the people you disappointed or let down. You had your moment, and now the purpose of your life, as cheesy as it sounds, is to only serve as a warning to others. You don’t have what it takes to be successful, or the qualities of a fighter. You are not even in charge of your own life, which really describes how much of an apathetic, submissive and lifeless individual you are. You’re alive, only living to die.

You’re not going to just want to quit, you quit and never get back up. You have this vision of who and what you want to be, but you want others to support your cause and are not willing to put in the work yourself, instead you just want handouts. Dedication, diligence, and patience are nothing but a chore for you. You are criticized once, maybe even a couple of times but you act like you carry the world’s burden on your shoulders.

Working hard scares you because you’re a piece of shit who’s worked hard a couple of times, and thinks they’re entitled to a seamlessly easy and fulfilling life. You do something for a short period of time, or in intervals may it be in work or in relationships and expect improved results. Putting in hours and hours of your time into doing something that actually involves being creative and productive, something that may very well change for the better whether or not you fail discourages you so much, that you are willing to shut it out completely. You like the idea of working towards something each and every day, to put in more effort than the last time, but you would rather close that gap between reality and a dream because the idea of hard work and dedication are nothing but a daydream to you. Even if you are willing to work towards something whole-heartedly, odds are you were always meant to be a failure. You are conditioned to enjoy and find a reason to like what is forced upon you, making you trapped in your inescapable destiny. It helps if you can actually find a silver lining in your downfalls by bullshitting yourself into being happy, that things are better off for how things turned out. You can deceive yourself no matter how shitty your problem is, and the same goes for your art.

Your art, that thing you love to do so much is the only way for you to escape your grasp of what we call reality, into an even deeper illusion, turning your shitty experiences and life into a false positive one.

Any of these motivational videos or speeches you see on YouTube or on the Internet that comes across as influential and striking to the heart are designed to amp up your emotions. These motivational speakers and self-help gurus are charismatic con artists. Thinking about things is not enough, your thoughts may influence you alone, but it does not change the circumstances or how the world works around you. Thinking, visualizing, and wanting is not going to help you get to where you want to get, the impossible is not possible by the thought process alone. Your self-worth is determined by a corporation, it tells you who you are and what you’re going to become, and only they can deem you worthy enough, only they allow you to be personally fulfilled and to achieve salvation, you seek truth in their judgments, and not in what you can do.

I know you want to be happy, but you won’t be. If you come by it honestly, the ugliness inside you… you were born broken. That’s your birthright. Now you can try to fill your life with projects, your art, sports, fitness, business, boyfriends and girlfriends, anything you use to fill that void inside your heart won’t make you whole. You are you who are, there’s no cure for that.